WHEN WE SAY GOOD BYE

      I never realized how hard it is to say good bye to somebody you love. If you have kept somebody in your heart, your mind and in your imagination, may be this word hurts you more than any. Hours pass like a split of the second when we are with somebody we care and love. But every second tortures us if we are away from our beloved.

I can’t define love here. May be this love doesn’t exist or may be it does. I think the love is what when we miss somebody so badly all the time. We meet them in every imagination and in every dream. Every hour passes in a hope that we will meet, we will talk and we will be together some day. We don’t get sleep. I don’t know why we can’t sleep. We wait and wait till we die. 

A line message is enough to pass day and night reading it. A picture is enough to look at and talk to kill emptiness, the distance and loneliness. Memories are full with all the beautiful days we spent together and all those nonsense gossips and laughter we had. Every time when we pass by the place where we sat, where we laughed, where we walked, it feels that the souls are still stuck there in the same place, wandering in the same lane but invisible like the beautiful angels together. 

Every time he decides to forget her. He repeats the same words forget her, forget her and forget her. More he says forget her more she comes in his mind. Now it seems like it is impossible to understand the meaning of GOOD BYE to him. He is ignorant and doesn’t try to get the meaning of GOOD BYE. They said good bye to each other but why he feels like it is just a bad dream. He will wake up in the morning and everything will fall in the same place again. He wishes it were a bad dream and  he can wake up, find himself in a different state and say thank god it’s just a dream. JUST A PATHETIC DREAM.

He and she have made a house somewhere in a dream land. They have children as he always desires a daughter with a pretty face like her and she desperately wants a small skirt to her daughter. Now it seems the dream is fading away. Every hope of them is shattered. He wanders around like a hopeless and homeless squatter. Tears of pain have washed away his beautiful colors of his life but couldn’t wash away the pain in his heart.

He didn’t believe in heart. He used to say heart is a part of our body. It just pumps the blood, purifies blood and keeps us alive. There is no such thing like love which is related to heart. But now every time when he remembers her, this heart gets constant and strong pain. He can’t control its palpitation and he can’t get relief from these ultimate sufferings of his life. One day this heart will stop and he will definitely get relieved from this pain and agony he has due to this little, crazy, insane, wild and lonely heart that learned to love, that learned to make him cry, that learned to make him suffer and he still doesn’t have any grievances, any complain about this little heart that has love in it.

And they said good bye to each other. He couldn’t control his tears and so did she. His throat sored and it couldn’t produce meaningful words further. It produced the sound of sobbing. Both eyes were not in favor of his control and constantly using its tear gland to drain out pain. I don’t blame to love for all these. It is that merciless circumstances which don’t understand the love and don’t spare lovers the life they wanted. I think love is not stronger than the circumstances.

He doesn’t know how he is sustaining his life pretending that he is happy and he has already forgotten her but her face is stuck in his mind, her laughter he hears all the time everywhere, her smile is his motivation to live and the promises are his commands to the heart not to fall weak. How can he hide this pain to live away from her? How can he hide this loneliness and pretend that he is the happiest person somewhere he doesn’t belong to.

 But now he has to. He has to make her feel that he has forgotten her. He has moved on and is a changed man. He is the one who betrayed and the one who doesn’t care. He does every possible trick to make her forget him. Otherwise she will take all responsibilities for what happened which actually was not her fault. He wants to bear all the responsibilities for what happened between them and what they have become due to this merciless circumstance. So, he lies, he pretends, he makes excuses so he and she have said GOOD BYE to each other.

He still dreams the life together with her. May not be possible but his hope and anticipation is not dead yet because his little heart is still beating with the strength and power of so called LOVE…. LOVE… LOVE……

subhash thapa magar

STORY OF TWO BOTTLES

          He finally got into a small shop where many bottles were kept for sale. In the first look his eyes went in two bottle kept in a row. They looked beautiful together like a pair. That gave him a pleasure to look at. He paid for one. He was about to leave but his eyes went to the row of bottle. This time the row was not complete because he bought one and another bottle was left alone. He did not feel good and paid the shopkeeper for two. Then he bought two bottles kept together in a row earlier and he felt good inside.

This is the story of two water bottles. He bought two water bottles. This is not an ordinary story of two nonliving water bottles but these two water bottles have found souls connected to each other. He broke the favorite water bottle of her. She used to carry the bottle all the time which was bought by her mother as a gift. He broke it. She was little despair. He decided to buy her the same type of bottle. That day he wandered around a lot to find the bottle in many stores but he couldn’t manage to get exact bottle. He planned to gift her bottle but his planning was about to go in vain so he decided to buy the bottle but of different type.

He had two bottles. He was about to gift the bottle to her and decided to keep another one himself. He waited her that evening. She did not show up. He had two bottles in his hand. The bottles were very happy to be together again. Two bottles used to laugh and chat and chat without any topic particular. They were happy together but the master was not happy that evening. The very next day he was about to leave the city and he desperately wanted to meet her. But she did not call. That evening he waited and waited but she didn’t turn up. He returned home with the heavy heart but he didn’t lose hope to meet her tomorrow. He kept those two bottles on the table. Two bottles got time to be together again. Two bottles had planned to stay together forever. They had plans to laugh together without any reason. 

Two bottles had great time together. They were happy but they did not know that they were about to separate. Finally the morning came and he woke up before the morning breaks because he hardly had a sleep last night. He was so lost in her that he did not even have time for sleep. He held one of the bottle and filled water in it. He was happy that he was about to meet her and that day was the last day to him in that city. He was going away and he desperately wanted to meet her. 

He was waiting her and many things were haunting his soul. Finally she showed up and he gave her the bottle he bought for her. He and she were about to depart. He felt like his heart is going to tear apart and shatter into pieces. With the heavy heart both he and she said bye to each other. The day was felt gloomy.

In the mean time I forgot to write about the bottles. This is the story of bottle not him and her. Here goes what happened to the bottles. That night two bottles were together. They chatted a lot. They were so happy to be together. Suddenly when he picked one bottle, filled water and took that away, another water bottle was left alone. It thought it could be together with another one after sometime but it never happened. He came back home, filled the bottle with water, packed all his belongings and boarded the  bus.

Now he stays far away from her. All he has left is the memories of past. He has beautiful days in his mind when he and she were together. He has beautiful picture of her in his mind. He is alone so is the case to that little bottle. The bottle is also alone. Both bottle and his master live together with the same heart and same feeling. They both have something in common. Loneliness and pain to live away from somebody they love. But what a pity bottle can’t talk to his master and his master can’t express his feelings to the bottle.

He packs himself in a small room every time. Sometime he smiles and laughs absurdly. May be he happens to remember the life he used to have that makes him smile. Sometime he desperately talks to the bottle but the bottle can’t reply. It has understood that his master is definitely in agony. He talks to himself. He wakes all night. There is no reason for the tears to roll down his eyes. That little bottle is the spectator of its master’s solitude and loneliness.

The bottle can also feel loneliness of his master. Now the bottle happens to realize that this is all due to the heart. Heart that loves. Heart that cares. Heart that suffers. It thanks to the god that it does not have the heart like his master has.

subhash thapa magar